Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
