The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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