she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
