I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
