I hope mine doesn't look like that
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
