You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
But we have bathrooms and they dont
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
