Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
its liver damage thursday
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
