then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
