so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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