Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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