Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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