Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
