C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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