You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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