We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
