She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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