I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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