i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
