Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
