i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
