she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
