making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
