At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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