The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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