Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
