Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
