physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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