the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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