I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
farters have to be the big spoon...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
