Who did Billy Mays play for?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
