At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You don't make any sense
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