i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
