Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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