your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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