No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
