11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
