I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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