worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
