Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
