Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
