is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
