I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
