Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
