apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
time to smoke my breakfast
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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