alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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