I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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