I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Randomize
