so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
