Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
