So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
