On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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